There's an epidemic in America. It's called defeatism. It's easier to take no action and absolutely fail rather than to try and fail.
This plays itself out in a number of ways. One I've noticed recently is too many people closing doors before they've closed themselves. Let me explain what I mean.
Every opportunity is an open door. Sometimes you're able to explore several without any of them slamming shut on you (which is AWESOME). Sometimes by choosing to walk through one door, you close another. No big deal if you're actively choosing one path. That's fine.
But what if you close all the doors around you without walking through any of them. You lose all your opportunities and end up trapped. Oh and, to top it off, the only person you can blame is yourself.
Something I learned fairly young (thanks to my left-brain Vulcan logic) was to keep doors open as long as possible. It's my default. Unless I have proven to myself (think: logic proof) that one opportunity is better than another for some reason (and that could be preferences, costs, benefits, etc) I don't close any doors. I explore all possibilities. This practice has led me to some really fascinating life experiences.
My six week mission trip to Costa Rica/Nicaragua/Panama was one of those randomly explored options. I applied to the program and forgot about it. Then I was accepted and ended up going. The result? My whole life trajectory changed. My graduate program was a random door that opened up. I met with the director of the new program and felt like it was a great fit so I applied and was accepted. Putting up ads on Craigslist to teach art was a random door, and while I met limited success with it, I feel like I gained as much from teaching private lessons as my students did in receiving them.
These were doors I put a toe through and lost nothing by exploring them. Applying to programs cost a little time. But if I hadn't applied, I wouldn't have had the option of going. Likewise a series of subsequent experiences wouldn't have been possible. Teaching art lessons lost me nothing. It was cost effective (even to drive 17 miles one way to a student's home) when I was earning no other income. I could do this and apply for other jobs in the meantime. If worse came to worst, I could work a part time job (which is what I ended up doing at that point). So I lost nothing. No doors were completely closed.
Bam.
In the end, we have to decide what opportunities to pursue. Some doors will close, but we don't have to close them early by telling ourselves "Oh, I can't do this" or "They won't let me blah blah blah." By keeping doors open for as long as possible, we remove limitations. We allow ourselves the option of success and the possibility for unexpected experiences. In short, by keeping doors open, we give ourselves permission to be impressively awesome.
This is how half of my best real life adventures started.
You have nothing to lose by trying this, but everything to lose by not. Logically, don't you think it's worth trying?
Showing posts with label success. Show all posts
Showing posts with label success. Show all posts
Friday, August 30, 2013
Saturday, August 24, 2013
Questions to Answer Your Calling
I'll be honest... this post is as much for me as it is for you.
Every so often I revisit my "call." This is a good practice because life changes us. I'm a different person than I was at 15, than I was at 20, than I was at 25 (and thank GOD for all that!). I've grown through experience. Lessons have stretched my expectations and understanding of life. It follows that my calling would change as well.
So in order to make sure I'm still on the straight and narrow, I revisit that dreaded period of questioning. Sometimes it comes as a necessary thing - as it has this summer (not just for me, but also my husband). When a crisis rips your life apart, it forces you to sit down and reexamine what you're doing and where you need to go in the future. A crisis could be anything from a tornado decimating your house, to bankruptcy, to cancer, to a loss of faith, to a cheating spouse, to a beloved friend passing. It could also be much less or much more (I think a combination of events would qualify as more in my book). Whatever you feel is a crisis that forces you to wonder if you're off your personal path is enough.
Other times, you're living the high life. Things seem to be going fairly well, so questioning your calling feels more optional. This is sort of a trick. Questioning your calling in this situation is more like reaffirming it. Of course, some people choose to pursue paths that have nothing to do with their purpose in life and they find out when they start answering questions they are actually quite unhappy with their lot in life.
Yes...this is not an easy thing to do. It is dangerous. It could send you down a route you don't wish to go. It could upend your life.
Blah blah blah.
Get over it.
It's good for you. I promise.
Once you've determined you need to reexamine your calling, you need to figure out how deep you need to go. You can ask extremely trying questions that get at the root of your soul purpose (a good idea if you've never gone through this process before). These are things like, "Why am I here? What am I here to experience?" etc. If you choose to go this route, I really recommend working through a book like The Success Principles that gives you tools to figure these things out, as opposed to just winging it. Still, if sitting on a mountain top drinking tea is how you reach revelation, go for it.
The other option is to ask more grounded and practical questions that have more specific answers (and lead to a very specific/practical direction):
I recommend this because it will be easy to break your new direction into steps or mini-goals. It will be easy to see progress and to feel like you're actually going somewhere. Necessarily if you start down any new path in such a way, you will become more impressively awesome. It is literally unavoidable. Nothing is more cool than someone who knows where they're going and what they're doing (and why!).
If you've gone through this process before, how did it help you (or did it?)? Leave a comment below!
Every so often I revisit my "call." This is a good practice because life changes us. I'm a different person than I was at 15, than I was at 20, than I was at 25 (and thank GOD for all that!). I've grown through experience. Lessons have stretched my expectations and understanding of life. It follows that my calling would change as well.
So in order to make sure I'm still on the straight and narrow, I revisit that dreaded period of questioning. Sometimes it comes as a necessary thing - as it has this summer (not just for me, but also my husband). When a crisis rips your life apart, it forces you to sit down and reexamine what you're doing and where you need to go in the future. A crisis could be anything from a tornado decimating your house, to bankruptcy, to cancer, to a loss of faith, to a cheating spouse, to a beloved friend passing. It could also be much less or much more (I think a combination of events would qualify as more in my book). Whatever you feel is a crisis that forces you to wonder if you're off your personal path is enough.
Other times, you're living the high life. Things seem to be going fairly well, so questioning your calling feels more optional. This is sort of a trick. Questioning your calling in this situation is more like reaffirming it. Of course, some people choose to pursue paths that have nothing to do with their purpose in life and they find out when they start answering questions they are actually quite unhappy with their lot in life.
Yes...this is not an easy thing to do. It is dangerous. It could send you down a route you don't wish to go. It could upend your life.
Blah blah blah.
Get over it.
It's good for you. I promise.
Once you've determined you need to reexamine your calling, you need to figure out how deep you need to go. You can ask extremely trying questions that get at the root of your soul purpose (a good idea if you've never gone through this process before). These are things like, "Why am I here? What am I here to experience?" etc. If you choose to go this route, I really recommend working through a book like The Success Principles that gives you tools to figure these things out, as opposed to just winging it. Still, if sitting on a mountain top drinking tea is how you reach revelation, go for it.
The other option is to ask more grounded and practical questions that have more specific answers (and lead to a very specific/practical direction):
- What do you feel passionate about?
- What have you done in the past that brought you joy?
- What would you do without any pay or a cut in pay?
- What are your talents? your skills?
- How could you combine these things?
I recommend this because it will be easy to break your new direction into steps or mini-goals. It will be easy to see progress and to feel like you're actually going somewhere. Necessarily if you start down any new path in such a way, you will become more impressively awesome. It is literally unavoidable. Nothing is more cool than someone who knows where they're going and what they're doing (and why!).
If you've gone through this process before, how did it help you (or did it?)? Leave a comment below!
Friday, July 5, 2013
Don't Underestimate Introspection
This week was forced introspection bootcamp for me, and I have to say, I'm glad. I'd forgotten the value of a solid block of introspection and how essential it is in order to be awesome.
The reason why introspection is an essential (and often undervalued) component to awesomeness, is because it allows you to examine where you're coming from and why you're choosing the things you're choosing. It allows you to see the motivation behind your actions, where you were successful, and where you made mistakes, but it also lets you examine your feelings.
Maybe you already knew why you chose the things you chose, but most people don't think about this. A question I could ask myself for example is, why did I choose to eat the leftover pizza in my fridge? I ate it because it was easy and convenience is more important to me right now than spending time trying to figure out alternatives. The more time I spend trying to figure out alternatives, the hungrier I get and then I become cranky. I don't want to be cranky, so I will eat the pizza. Also I don't want it to sit there for days until no one wants to eat it. I hate waste. This is a pretty mundane choice, but there were reasons why I made it. Introspection allows me to come to the conclusion that both convenience and waste are motivating factors for me to eat food leftovers.
Introspection also let's a person see where they were successful. This might seem like a dumb point, but let's take a look at it for a minute. Success is not always objective. Success is something each person defines differently depending on context. Likewise, there are various levels or steps to success. In the case of my writing/publishing challenge, publishing my first book of the challenge is a success, however I have not completed the challenge yet. I still have six to seven books remaining to publish. For someone who has difficulty celebrating the stepping stone successes, introspection is invaluable because it will highlight those moments that were good before reaching the larger more spectacular success of an end goal. But what about failures? What about mistakes?
While you could easily have a mentor, friend, or family member tell you where you screwed up, it's not quite the same. You might even address the flub, but would it mean as much? Would you make the same mistake again? You wouldn't necessarily have spent the time thinking about where that mistake arose, and therefore are more likely to run into similar problems in the future.
In addition to being able to understand these kinds of things better, it also lets you explore your feelings about a thing. This is a huge and incredibly helpful process. Let me give you an example.
This past week I ended up having a lot of time on my hands. I had conversations with a variety of people about my current state of being, meetings for church, and any number of things that are unusual for me. The result was, I realized that my anxiety about my lack of current financial security, the unknown about my health insurance, and even what will happen with the baby was all completely pointless. My guilt about spending time blogging and working on publishing was also equally useless. Instead of worrying about these things actively, my feelings and approach began to shift. I observed what was happening - of course I couldn't ignore the situations, but I let them be. I came up with plans of action. I accepted there were limits to what I could do and the only thing I could focus on was what I have control over - my daily habits and my writing.
I don't know how many times I've read people talking about how worrying is useless etc, but it hadn't ever really clicked. I couldn't imagine getting over all my anxieties about things (I've generally been a worrier, especially when it came to anything personal). But when I realized I had no other options, when the pressure of making other choices was taken away, I was freed from that burden. The guilt I felt was gone. The worry was no longer a sharp pain in my gut, but had been transformed into motivation to be awesome at whatever I do.
I could not have come to these conclusions without some serious thinking time.
Introspection, or thinking time, doesn't come naturally to everyone. It's the kind of exercise that intellectuals, empaths, and anyone who is introverted feels most comfortable doing. For those of you who have difficulty spending time thinking about your feelings and thoughts, it takes practice, just like any habit.
For extroverts, I think rather than sitting in your room alone journaling or wading through personality tests or something, you should grab a close friend. Talk seriously about whatever issue you're wrestling with at the moment. Make sure this friend is someone who can ask you tough questions and get to the bottom of things. Stress to them that you're not necessarily looking for advice, but just someone to bounce ideas off of. This is the key. You're not necessarily looking for solutions when using introspection, but rather understanding. With deep understanding, you will find solutions come to you. A path will be clear, and trust me, nothing is better than a clear path. This will help you on your route to awesomeness.
Introspection is incredibly valuable. It is a process in understanding that will help you recognize motivations, recreate successes, correct mistakes, and transform feelings. It may not come naturally to everyone, but it is possible to practice and make it a habit. Once you do, I know you'll find it so much easier to be impressively awesome.
The reason why introspection is an essential (and often undervalued) component to awesomeness, is because it allows you to examine where you're coming from and why you're choosing the things you're choosing. It allows you to see the motivation behind your actions, where you were successful, and where you made mistakes, but it also lets you examine your feelings.
Maybe you already knew why you chose the things you chose, but most people don't think about this. A question I could ask myself for example is, why did I choose to eat the leftover pizza in my fridge? I ate it because it was easy and convenience is more important to me right now than spending time trying to figure out alternatives. The more time I spend trying to figure out alternatives, the hungrier I get and then I become cranky. I don't want to be cranky, so I will eat the pizza. Also I don't want it to sit there for days until no one wants to eat it. I hate waste. This is a pretty mundane choice, but there were reasons why I made it. Introspection allows me to come to the conclusion that both convenience and waste are motivating factors for me to eat food leftovers.
Introspection also let's a person see where they were successful. This might seem like a dumb point, but let's take a look at it for a minute. Success is not always objective. Success is something each person defines differently depending on context. Likewise, there are various levels or steps to success. In the case of my writing/publishing challenge, publishing my first book of the challenge is a success, however I have not completed the challenge yet. I still have six to seven books remaining to publish. For someone who has difficulty celebrating the stepping stone successes, introspection is invaluable because it will highlight those moments that were good before reaching the larger more spectacular success of an end goal. But what about failures? What about mistakes?
While you could easily have a mentor, friend, or family member tell you where you screwed up, it's not quite the same. You might even address the flub, but would it mean as much? Would you make the same mistake again? You wouldn't necessarily have spent the time thinking about where that mistake arose, and therefore are more likely to run into similar problems in the future.
In addition to being able to understand these kinds of things better, it also lets you explore your feelings about a thing. This is a huge and incredibly helpful process. Let me give you an example.
This past week I ended up having a lot of time on my hands. I had conversations with a variety of people about my current state of being, meetings for church, and any number of things that are unusual for me. The result was, I realized that my anxiety about my lack of current financial security, the unknown about my health insurance, and even what will happen with the baby was all completely pointless. My guilt about spending time blogging and working on publishing was also equally useless. Instead of worrying about these things actively, my feelings and approach began to shift. I observed what was happening - of course I couldn't ignore the situations, but I let them be. I came up with plans of action. I accepted there were limits to what I could do and the only thing I could focus on was what I have control over - my daily habits and my writing.
I don't know how many times I've read people talking about how worrying is useless etc, but it hadn't ever really clicked. I couldn't imagine getting over all my anxieties about things (I've generally been a worrier, especially when it came to anything personal). But when I realized I had no other options, when the pressure of making other choices was taken away, I was freed from that burden. The guilt I felt was gone. The worry was no longer a sharp pain in my gut, but had been transformed into motivation to be awesome at whatever I do.
I could not have come to these conclusions without some serious thinking time.
Introspection, or thinking time, doesn't come naturally to everyone. It's the kind of exercise that intellectuals, empaths, and anyone who is introverted feels most comfortable doing. For those of you who have difficulty spending time thinking about your feelings and thoughts, it takes practice, just like any habit.
For extroverts, I think rather than sitting in your room alone journaling or wading through personality tests or something, you should grab a close friend. Talk seriously about whatever issue you're wrestling with at the moment. Make sure this friend is someone who can ask you tough questions and get to the bottom of things. Stress to them that you're not necessarily looking for advice, but just someone to bounce ideas off of. This is the key. You're not necessarily looking for solutions when using introspection, but rather understanding. With deep understanding, you will find solutions come to you. A path will be clear, and trust me, nothing is better than a clear path. This will help you on your route to awesomeness.
Introspection is incredibly valuable. It is a process in understanding that will help you recognize motivations, recreate successes, correct mistakes, and transform feelings. It may not come naturally to everyone, but it is possible to practice and make it a habit. Once you do, I know you'll find it so much easier to be impressively awesome.
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