Don't Cut Yourself Off, Keep Doors Open

There's an epidemic in America. It's called defeatism. It's easier to take no action and absolutely fail rather than to try and fail.

This plays itself out in a number of ways. One I've noticed recently is too many people closing doors before they've closed themselves. Let me explain what I mean.

Every opportunity is an open door. Sometimes you're able to explore several without any of them slamming shut on you (which is AWESOME). Sometimes by choosing to walk through one door, you close another. No big deal if you're actively choosing one path. That's fine.

But what if you close all the doors around you without walking through any of them.  You lose all your opportunities and end up trapped. Oh and, to top it off, the only person you can blame is yourself.

Something I learned fairly young (thanks to my left-brain Vulcan logic) was to keep doors open as long as possible. It's my default. Unless I have proven to myself (think: logic proof) that one opportunity is better than another for some reason (and that could be preferences, costs, benefits, etc) I don't close any doors. I explore all possibilities. This practice has led me to some really fascinating life experiences.

My six week mission trip to Costa Rica/Nicaragua/Panama was one of those randomly explored options. I applied to the program and forgot about it. Then I was accepted and ended up going. The result? My whole life trajectory changed. My graduate program was a random door that opened up. I met with the director of the new program and felt like it was a great fit so I applied and was accepted. Putting up ads on Craigslist to teach art was a random door, and while I met limited success with it, I feel like I gained as much from teaching private lessons as my students did in receiving them.

These were doors I put a toe through and lost nothing by exploring them. Applying to programs cost a little time. But if I hadn't applied, I wouldn't have had the option of going. Likewise a series of subsequent experiences wouldn't have been possible.  Teaching art lessons lost me nothing. It was cost effective (even to drive 17 miles one way to a student's home) when I was earning no other income. I could do this and apply for other jobs in the meantime. If worse came to worst, I could work a part time job (which is what I ended up doing at that point). So I lost nothing. No doors were completely closed.

Bam.

In the end, we have to decide what opportunities to pursue. Some doors will close, but we don't have to close them early by telling ourselves "Oh, I can't do this" or "They won't let me blah blah blah." By keeping doors open for as long as possible, we remove limitations. We allow ourselves the option of success and the possibility for unexpected experiences. In short, by keeping doors open, we give ourselves permission to be impressively awesome.

This is how half of my best real life adventures started.

You have nothing to lose by trying this, but everything to lose by not. Logically, don't you think it's worth trying?

Build Interesting Conversation: Do Something - Anything!

You have a high school reunion coming up.

No, it's a big party and you want to impress the boss!

...Or you're going some place where you know you'll run into your ex.

What do you talk about? What have you done with your life? That's the question. There are little things you can do in your daily life to be awesome, but you need to do some big things too. So here's the meat and potatoes post.

Let me give you a short list of some of the things I've done:

1. Recorded 2 music albums (in 4 years)
2. Lived in 4 different countries (including the US)
3. Written and published 3 books (in 2 years)
4. Worked my way to management (in less than 1 year)
5. Been married twice (once in the Himalayas, and once in Santa Barbara - same guy!)

That's the short list, but it's by no means exhaustive. Each one of those points has a whole slew of associated stories. Most people won't do all those things, and frankly, it's kind of ridiculous. No, actually it's absolutely insane. If you did half those things you'd have more than enough stories to impress anyone you wanted to. If you did any one of those things, it would be enough to impress people.

And that's my point.

You need to go out and live in order to be impressive. You have to try things in order to be awesome. Figure out something you love, and jump into it with both feet. Being an expert in something is a way to impressing people. If you decided to learn about drinking songs from seventeenth century England and that was your thing, let me tell you, that would be a party. I would want to know all about it and I guarantee drinking with you would be a good time.

That's the long game. The short game is to take small risks in your free time. For example, go to a festival. Find out the interesting places in your town or area and visit them. Sit in on an open mic night at a pub or coffeehouse (there are always good stories even if you're not performing!). Take a class! The first time you do something like this it will be uncomfortable. Like most things, the more you go on these mini adventures, the easier it will become. Plus, every time you do, you'll build up your interesting quotient.

The more things you do, the easier it will be to talk to your boss, your ex, or that annoying over achiever from high school. With a body of adventures and knowledge, it's a lot easier to be impressively awesome.