Don't Cut Yourself Off, Keep Doors Open

There's an epidemic in America. It's called defeatism. It's easier to take no action and absolutely fail rather than to try and fail.

This plays itself out in a number of ways. One I've noticed recently is too many people closing doors before they've closed themselves. Let me explain what I mean.

Every opportunity is an open door. Sometimes you're able to explore several without any of them slamming shut on you (which is AWESOME). Sometimes by choosing to walk through one door, you close another. No big deal if you're actively choosing one path. That's fine.

But what if you close all the doors around you without walking through any of them.  You lose all your opportunities and end up trapped. Oh and, to top it off, the only person you can blame is yourself.

Something I learned fairly young (thanks to my left-brain Vulcan logic) was to keep doors open as long as possible. It's my default. Unless I have proven to myself (think: logic proof) that one opportunity is better than another for some reason (and that could be preferences, costs, benefits, etc) I don't close any doors. I explore all possibilities. This practice has led me to some really fascinating life experiences.

My six week mission trip to Costa Rica/Nicaragua/Panama was one of those randomly explored options. I applied to the program and forgot about it. Then I was accepted and ended up going. The result? My whole life trajectory changed. My graduate program was a random door that opened up. I met with the director of the new program and felt like it was a great fit so I applied and was accepted. Putting up ads on Craigslist to teach art was a random door, and while I met limited success with it, I feel like I gained as much from teaching private lessons as my students did in receiving them.

These were doors I put a toe through and lost nothing by exploring them. Applying to programs cost a little time. But if I hadn't applied, I wouldn't have had the option of going. Likewise a series of subsequent experiences wouldn't have been possible.  Teaching art lessons lost me nothing. It was cost effective (even to drive 17 miles one way to a student's home) when I was earning no other income. I could do this and apply for other jobs in the meantime. If worse came to worst, I could work a part time job (which is what I ended up doing at that point). So I lost nothing. No doors were completely closed.

Bam.

In the end, we have to decide what opportunities to pursue. Some doors will close, but we don't have to close them early by telling ourselves "Oh, I can't do this" or "They won't let me blah blah blah." By keeping doors open for as long as possible, we remove limitations. We allow ourselves the option of success and the possibility for unexpected experiences. In short, by keeping doors open, we give ourselves permission to be impressively awesome.

This is how half of my best real life adventures started.

You have nothing to lose by trying this, but everything to lose by not. Logically, don't you think it's worth trying?

What Are You Willing to Pay?

Lately I've been thinking a lot about sacrifice and about costs and how these things relate to goals or dreams. As Americans, we don't like to hear such words. We want it all. We don't want to give up anything.

But I'm telling you right now, for everything there is a cost - a price that must be paid.

Now, it doesn't mean the price is high or even something that is necessarily painful, but it could be. A dancer may sacrifice her feet later in order to have her career now. A football star may sacrifice his knees later in order to have 10 years of sporting glory. A musician sacrifices his hearing later in order to tour in huge arenas playing with "the greats." These are common prices paid for dreams, though they certainly aren't the only ones.

Every choice has a consequence or cost, even small or personal ones. By choosing to eat good food, a person may not enjoy the taste at the moment, but their body will become healthier. Exercising will lead to a healthier body, but it must be done regularly and may eat up a large chunk of every day. By having one parent at home, finances are tighter but the kids get to have more time with their parent. Moving out of the city into the wilderness may mean fresh air and contentedness, but it also means fewer opportunities and less access to entertainment.

In order to gain a result, something must be given. There are several questions you must ask yourself:

• What is my goal/choice/dream?
• What is the sacrifice I have to make in order to gain this?
• Am I willing to pay that price?

One of the reasons I gave up performing music was I recognized I didn't want to pay the prices involved in that dream. I didn't want the insane fame that comes with making it big. I also didn't want to be away from home and on tour for months at a time. The idea of losing my hearing, despite my best efforts, just didn't appeal. While I miss singing regularly (and miss music generally) I still stand by my decision. I still don't want to pay those prices. For me, they are too high.

Luckily other dreams arrived that had costs I felt I could pay (or was paying already). Writing, even when becoming successful, had costs (and sacrifices) that felt more appropriate for me. Marriage and parenthood have prices (and sacrifices) that are acceptable. I'm willing to give up some possibilities in order to be impressively awesome in these areas. Some dreams really are worth it.

What are sacrifices you've made for your choices or dreams? Leave a comment below!