Uncommon Courtesy

In the last week three things have happened to me that reminded me what was necessary to be impressively awesome:

1. While I was at the store, a woman purposefully ran her stroller into my leg and barely said excuse me at a store. This happened after she nearly ran her stroller into our cart (she wasn't looking where she was going).
2. We were at a pizza place that was crowded with furniture. A woman squeezed by our table without saying excuse me or asking to move our pizza stand. The result was her ass was nearly in our pizza (I mean, like an inch at max away).
3. Someone stole my basil plant from my front stoop while I was at home. It disappeared right out of the pot.

Needless to say it brought a point home - common courtesy is very uncommon.

So what do you have to do to be impressively courteous? It's simple. Do what you would have done to you. So if you wouldn't want someone to behave a certain way to you, then you shouldn't do it. If you don't want someone's ass in your pizza, go ahead and say with a smile, "Excuse me, can I move this so I can get by?"

Use expressions like:

• Excuse me
• Please
• Thank you
• How are you?
• I'm sorry

These are underrated, but very necessary to smoothing situations. Add to these gestures of welcome such as:

• Smiling
• Waving
• Bowing
• Holding doors
• Extended arm with open palm (open/welcome gesture)
• Well timed thoughtful/concerned looks

This may sound like an elementary lesson in manners, but many of these things are no longer practiced. I know when someone does these things for me, it makes me feel valued and respected. I like to do these things for others to let them know I recognize their humanity and respect it.

Someone who is impressively awesome should be confident, not an animal. Uncommon courtesy is a way to ensure people think of you as impressively awesome - because when you treat others with respect and dignity, it is remembered.

How to Own a Room

When I say own a room, I don't mean purchase.

Think about a time when you were at a party and someone entered the room. As soon as that person walked in, the entire room looked up. It was clear from the moment that person entered they were in charge. He or she could call the shots and get anything he or she wanted.

The question is, why?

Why do some people own a room and others become, well, owned?

There are several things that go into controlling a space: confidence, posture, and appearance. Let's discuss confidence first.

A confident person expects certain things. When I feel confident, I assume I will get what I want when I want it. I assume the bartender will come to me immediately and make me a perfect drink (and honestly, if I wait, I don't wait long). I assume I will get the booth (and I rarely get anything else - unless I want something else). The moral to this is a confident person will ask for what they want, and 99% of the time, they'll get it.

Confidence leads nicely into posture. Posture is very important. A good portion of communication is nonverbal. For example if you say you're telling the truth but shake your head, your conversation partner will believe you are lying. People believe the nonverbal more than the verbal.

The key here is to position yourself in a way that looks like you know what you're doing (confidently!). Your head should be held high. You should look people in the eye. Your shoulders should be straight. Your movements should be smooth. This last one has more to do with grace than with confidence. Grace implies a certain degree of control. People who move with control have more power, because physical control in people's minds implies other kinds of personal control (mental, emotional, and social). Remember - humans are social beings. We have dominance hierarchies. That means someone is always above us while another is below us. We like having someone in charge - the question is, will it be you or someone else?

The final piece to help you own a room is your appearance. I've already posted about appearance, but I can't stress it enough! Dress to impress! Put on some deodorant! Brush your teeth! And for god's sake, SMILE! If you look cranky or angry, no one will give you the time of day.

These pieces are the foundation to owning a room. Yes they are superficial. If you don't have substance (interesting conversation, social capital, or other influence) you won't stay on top for very long. But at least when you're walking into Nordi's or Sak's you'll get some good service