Questions to Answer Your Calling

I'll be honest... this post is as much for me as it is for you.

Every so often I revisit my "call." This is a good practice because life changes us. I'm a different person than I was at 15, than I was at 20, than I was at 25 (and thank GOD for all that!). I've grown through experience. Lessons have stretched my expectations and understanding of life. It follows that my calling would change as well.

So in order to make sure I'm still on the straight and narrow, I revisit that dreaded period of questioning. Sometimes it comes as a necessary thing - as it has this summer (not just for me, but also my husband). When a crisis rips your life apart, it forces you to sit down and reexamine what you're doing and where you need to go in the future. A crisis could be anything from a tornado decimating your house, to bankruptcy, to cancer, to a loss of faith, to a cheating spouse, to a beloved friend passing. It could also be much less or much more (I think a combination of events would qualify as more in my book). Whatever you feel is a crisis that forces you to wonder if you're off your personal path is enough.

Other times, you're living the high life. Things seem to be going fairly well, so questioning your calling feels more optional. This is sort of a trick. Questioning your calling in this situation is more like reaffirming it. Of course, some people choose to pursue paths that have nothing to do with their purpose in life and they find out when they start answering questions they are actually quite unhappy with their lot in life.

Yes...this is not an easy thing to do. It is dangerous. It could send you down a route you don't wish to go. It could upend your life.

Blah blah blah.

Get over it.

It's good for you. I promise.

Once you've determined you need to reexamine your calling, you need to figure out how deep you need to go. You can ask extremely trying questions that get at the root of your soul purpose (a good idea if you've never gone through this process before). These are things like, "Why am I here? What am I here to experience?" etc. If you choose to go this route, I really recommend working through a book like The Success Principles that gives you tools to figure these things out, as opposed to just winging it. Still, if sitting on a mountain top drinking tea is how you reach revelation, go for it.

The other option is to ask more grounded and practical questions that have more specific answers (and lead to a very specific/practical direction):

• What do you feel passionate about? 
• What have you done in the past that brought you joy? 
• What would you do without any pay or a cut in pay? 
• What are your talents? your skills? 
• How could you combine these things?

There are plenty of websites and books that have more/different questions along these veins, but the gist is the same. They are directive and prescriptive. If you already know your life purpose (see earlier question option) then answering these direct questions is a good idea to help you determine the best new direction for you.

I recommend this because it will be easy to break your new direction into steps or mini-goals. It will be easy to see progress and to feel like you're actually going somewhere. Necessarily if you start down any new path in such a way, you will become more impressively awesome. It is literally unavoidable. Nothing is more cool than someone who knows where they're going and what they're doing (and why!).

If you've gone through this process before, how did it help you (or did it?)? Leave a comment below!

Go - Build Your Life

It seems this is a theme.

I was struggling to think about my post this past week (thus my lateness...sorry guys!) and kept coming back to this one thing - doing.

Lately I've been reading/watching a lot of motivational/self-dev articles and videos that keep coming back to something I mentioned in an earlier blog post. Nobody cares about "who you are" so much as "what you've done."

The choices we make on a daily basis are indicators of the kind of person we are. I can say I'm a creative person until I'm blue in the face but it doesn't mean a thing unless I can provide examples for the world to see.

So, yes. I am a creative person...and everyone knows this because I studied art for 2 years (even got a scholarship) and have painted who knows how many paintings and done how many drawings. I've written countless poems and completed 5 novels (the fifth one is hopefully going to be published this week). I even designed the cover art for those books. I also co-wrote lyrics and music for 2 musical albums.  These are things I've done. They are absolute proof of my creativity.

When I introduce myself, I don't say "I'm creative," I say "I write" or "I paint" or whatever it is I'm focusing on because it's relevant to the conversation. And these things that I do on a regular basis have directed me to a particular path. It's not pushing me into a box where I'm skating through life. I'm actually actively participating in creating my life.

The more I read, the more I see, the more I'm convinced this is what we as people are meant to do. This doesn't mean we have to go out and be some kind of celebrity or wunderkind. What it does mean is we have to go out and do things. We need hobbies. We need goals. We need to be shooting for something, even if it's "small" by society's standards. It could be learning how to knit or speak a foreign language, or how to dance the rumba. Or we could have different plans - getting a promotion at work, getting a different job, starting a company of our own etc. There are plenty of things we can do. We just have to choose something.

Who do we want to be? Because we become what we do. Our actions show the kind of people we are and they build us up in very specific ways, forcing personal growth...building our lives.

Now we just have to decide.

How have you built your life? What are the things you've done to become who you are today? Leave a comment below!

What Are You Willing to Pay?

Lately I've been thinking a lot about sacrifice and about costs and how these things relate to goals or dreams. As Americans, we don't like to hear such words. We want it all. We don't want to give up anything.

But I'm telling you right now, for everything there is a cost - a price that must be paid.

Now, it doesn't mean the price is high or even something that is necessarily painful, but it could be. A dancer may sacrifice her feet later in order to have her career now. A football star may sacrifice his knees later in order to have 10 years of sporting glory. A musician sacrifices his hearing later in order to tour in huge arenas playing with "the greats." These are common prices paid for dreams, though they certainly aren't the only ones.

Every choice has a consequence or cost, even small or personal ones. By choosing to eat good food, a person may not enjoy the taste at the moment, but their body will become healthier. Exercising will lead to a healthier body, but it must be done regularly and may eat up a large chunk of every day. By having one parent at home, finances are tighter but the kids get to have more time with their parent. Moving out of the city into the wilderness may mean fresh air and contentedness, but it also means fewer opportunities and less access to entertainment.

In order to gain a result, something must be given. There are several questions you must ask yourself:

• What is my goal/choice/dream?
• What is the sacrifice I have to make in order to gain this?
• Am I willing to pay that price?

One of the reasons I gave up performing music was I recognized I didn't want to pay the prices involved in that dream. I didn't want the insane fame that comes with making it big. I also didn't want to be away from home and on tour for months at a time. The idea of losing my hearing, despite my best efforts, just didn't appeal. While I miss singing regularly (and miss music generally) I still stand by my decision. I still don't want to pay those prices. For me, they are too high.

Luckily other dreams arrived that had costs I felt I could pay (or was paying already). Writing, even when becoming successful, had costs (and sacrifices) that felt more appropriate for me. Marriage and parenthood have prices (and sacrifices) that are acceptable. I'm willing to give up some possibilities in order to be impressively awesome in these areas. Some dreams really are worth it.

What are sacrifices you've made for your choices or dreams? Leave a comment below!

Persistence Cures Failure

Lately I've been bombarded with people telling me to keep going - to keep doing what I'm doing. It's refreshing and incredibly helpful, especially after a long time of not getting much recognition for my efforts. It tells me I'm on the right path and I just have to keep going, even though it's hard.

Sometimes the most awesome thing to do is also the hardest. You'll run into obstacles left and right. You'll have support withdrawn. You'll lose funding. You'll lose sponsors. You'll be rejected repeatedly. Something will take longer than you expected. The software won't work correctly. The information won't be where you expected. The list of potential problems is miles long.

It's easy to get discouraged.

It's easy to give up. But, as they say, that would be going home. Going home doesn't yield any rewards. It doesn't make a person impressive or successful. It makes you a failure, but not just any kind of failure. No, this is a failure of weakness and cowardice.

In short, if you go home, you're a weak wuss.

Instead, you want to go big. You want to overcome whatever challenges come your way. You want every obstacle to be transformed into opportunity for something more spectacular, more wonderful, and more awesome. And if you fail when you go big, it doesn't matter. Failing like that is wonderful because you put everything you had into whatever you were doing. No one blames you for failing. And hopefully you can learn something from the experience and go on to go big when trying for some other dream.

Of course, if you fail, you could just keep trying.

I'm thinking of the boxer that just keeps getting up to get punched one more time before coming back for another round (Rocky style). I'm thinking of J.K. Rowling who kept writing and submitting because she knew Mr. Potter was worth it. I'm thinking of Rudy and Benjamin Mee. There are so many examples of people picking themselves up again and continuing despite however many times they fall.

If you fall six times, stand up seven.

When you're down on the ground, covered in blood, sweat, and tears, it's easy to focus on the pain of the present. But that's not why you started in the first place. You started because you had an awesome idea - a dream you wanted to fulfill. The pain is temporary. It's a step in the path towards your dream - but it's just one. And then it will be over.

The key is to push past the pain to the other side - to the next step, whatever that may be. And it isn't easy. Maybe you won't get much encouragement. Maybe no one knows who you are, or recognizes the value of your dream. Maybe it will take a while before you'll get any traction. But once you do, you can't stop. You have to keep going. You have to keep pushing - persisting. Because that is the crucial moment. That is the time when you have the choice that will make or break you. You can stop, and all your work will amount to nothing, or you can keep going, and your wildest dreams will be more awesome than you can possibly imagine.

That's my plan. Are you with me?

Classes in Awesome

I'll be honest. I thought a lot of that self-dev crap was well, crap. Hooey. Pointless.

Of course the older I get, the more I realize how important self-development work really is to getting me where I want to be. This includes the visualization exercises, goal-setting, practicing, and of course learning.

The visualization exercises I get. That took me very little time to perfect because I have an incredibly active imagination. I mean, how else could I write a book in 2 weeks time? The goal-setting thing I get. I read enough self-help books (courtesy of a few mentors and a life in the church) to figure out how that can work - and I made it work for me. Even practicing I could get behind. I mean, I'm a writer. Blogging daily is my workout. The performance happens in the novels. But learning, ironically, was a different issue.

There are a few types of learning that lead to awesomeness. First there's school. School is *actually* useful, despite your memories of tests covered in drool and nasal instruction. School helps a person figure out what they like and don't. It helps to hone some basic skills, like the ability to research and communicate (very important in pretty much EVERY field in which it is worth being awesome). But school has limits. Required school only goes to a certain age. Elective higher education has resource constraints, as does continuing education classes and conferences. So what happens to those of us who are left without time or money to devote to these pursuits?

Well the second option is probably the easiest. This is the kind of learning that is fun and easy to do - the self-help learning. For people who enjoy exercises and self-exploration, this is a candy store. There are tons of books and workshops available (let alone videos and podcasts). When I got hooked on this stuff, I found it invigorating. The reason was because it helped me create a road-map to where I wanted to go and who I wanted to be. If I could get stuck in learning, I might get stuck here. Except of course, self-development books don't actually get me to improve in a particular area. They provide a framework, not content. And as we know, we need content.

The last type of education is the one I have been digging my heels to avoid. I'm not sure why, but I just couldn't get behind reading more about writing. Generally I find a lot of what people write online and elsewhere when plying their trades to be bullshit. Okay, let me clarify. There are the people who DID it, and do it because they're passionate and reading their words is INCREDIBLY helpful. Then there are people who are clearly selling something. They make me want to vomit. Yes, so that's why I drag my heels. I don't like to vomit.

Unfortunately, it is necessary to read up about your area of expertise - or the area in which you *want* to be awesome. One reason is it actually helps you get better. Practice does make perfect, but without that added benefit of knowledge it wouldn't make your trade awesome. Sometimes I'm too close to a project to see its flaws. When I can read someone else's words about style or world-building, it can help me figure out where I could improve (and we can ALWAYS improve).

Another reason is it saves time. I could wander around in the dark bumping into every other thing, or I could switch on the light and walk the easiest path through the room. Learning about your field is like that. Rather than wasting time and effort on things that may or may not work, why not read about someone ELSE'S mistakes and use their knowledge to your advantage? That's what I fully intend to do, now that I'm through with stumbling around in the dark (how ridiculously stupid of me!).

The moral of the story is, learning is required in order to become impressively awesome. Actually, learning is required to be worth your salt and it needs to be several different types. Add in some practice, visualization, and goal-setting and you're well on your way to being impressively awesome.

Did you have some stumbling blocks to being impressively awesome? Are you just now realizing what you need to learn more about? How did you get there? What are you doing now? Feel free to share comments below!

The Shortcut to Awesome - Mini Goals

The easiest way to see that you're making progress to awesomeness is by completing something daily that brings you closer to how awesome you want to be.

You can have weekly goals (i.e. working out 3-5 times) or monthly goals (i.e. organizing one room in your house), but nothing compares to the immediate satisfaction of completing something daily.

The easiest way to set up mini goals is to take a larger goal and break it down into bite-sized pieces. For example, this summer I made the impressively awesome (otherwise known as crazy or balls to the wall) goal of publishing 7 new books. Yes, count them, S-E-V-E-N. If I looked at the over all goal, I might be overwhelmed and give up immediately.

Instead, I figured out exactly what I needed to do to make this happen. I realized how many unfinished manuscripts I had sitting on my hard-drive (quite a few) and how many words I'd need to get those to completion. I figured out how many days I had to complete my goal. Then I determined how many other things I'd need to do in order to publish my books (cover art, formatting, editing, marketing etc).

I started out with a daily writing goal of 4500 words. This helped me to finish 3 manuscripts in 2 weeks. I then broke down my other tasks into daily goals (time spent on marketing, formatting, etc). This has helped me complete 3 book covers in the past week.

I still have 2.5 months before my time is finished and already I've completed a good portion of my goal. By breaking this "huge" task into bite sized chunks, I've made it manageable and achievable. In short, I'm that much closer to being as impressively awesome as I want to be.

So how do you want to be more awesome? What can you do to get there? How can you break your goal into bite sized chunks to make it manageable and achievable? Leave a comment below or mention me on Twitter (@alexisdonkin). I'd love to hear your thoughts!