Don't Cut Yourself Off, Keep Doors Open

There's an epidemic in America. It's called defeatism. It's easier to take no action and absolutely fail rather than to try and fail.

This plays itself out in a number of ways. One I've noticed recently is too many people closing doors before they've closed themselves. Let me explain what I mean.

Every opportunity is an open door. Sometimes you're able to explore several without any of them slamming shut on you (which is AWESOME). Sometimes by choosing to walk through one door, you close another. No big deal if you're actively choosing one path. That's fine.

But what if you close all the doors around you without walking through any of them.  You lose all your opportunities and end up trapped. Oh and, to top it off, the only person you can blame is yourself.

Something I learned fairly young (thanks to my left-brain Vulcan logic) was to keep doors open as long as possible. It's my default. Unless I have proven to myself (think: logic proof) that one opportunity is better than another for some reason (and that could be preferences, costs, benefits, etc) I don't close any doors. I explore all possibilities. This practice has led me to some really fascinating life experiences.

My six week mission trip to Costa Rica/Nicaragua/Panama was one of those randomly explored options. I applied to the program and forgot about it. Then I was accepted and ended up going. The result? My whole life trajectory changed. My graduate program was a random door that opened up. I met with the director of the new program and felt like it was a great fit so I applied and was accepted. Putting up ads on Craigslist to teach art was a random door, and while I met limited success with it, I feel like I gained as much from teaching private lessons as my students did in receiving them.

These were doors I put a toe through and lost nothing by exploring them. Applying to programs cost a little time. But if I hadn't applied, I wouldn't have had the option of going. Likewise a series of subsequent experiences wouldn't have been possible.  Teaching art lessons lost me nothing. It was cost effective (even to drive 17 miles one way to a student's home) when I was earning no other income. I could do this and apply for other jobs in the meantime. If worse came to worst, I could work a part time job (which is what I ended up doing at that point). So I lost nothing. No doors were completely closed.

Bam.

In the end, we have to decide what opportunities to pursue. Some doors will close, but we don't have to close them early by telling ourselves "Oh, I can't do this" or "They won't let me blah blah blah." By keeping doors open for as long as possible, we remove limitations. We allow ourselves the option of success and the possibility for unexpected experiences. In short, by keeping doors open, we give ourselves permission to be impressively awesome.

This is how half of my best real life adventures started.

You have nothing to lose by trying this, but everything to lose by not. Logically, don't you think it's worth trying?

Questions to Answer Your Calling

I'll be honest... this post is as much for me as it is for you.

Every so often I revisit my "call." This is a good practice because life changes us. I'm a different person than I was at 15, than I was at 20, than I was at 25 (and thank GOD for all that!). I've grown through experience. Lessons have stretched my expectations and understanding of life. It follows that my calling would change as well.

So in order to make sure I'm still on the straight and narrow, I revisit that dreaded period of questioning. Sometimes it comes as a necessary thing - as it has this summer (not just for me, but also my husband). When a crisis rips your life apart, it forces you to sit down and reexamine what you're doing and where you need to go in the future. A crisis could be anything from a tornado decimating your house, to bankruptcy, to cancer, to a loss of faith, to a cheating spouse, to a beloved friend passing. It could also be much less or much more (I think a combination of events would qualify as more in my book). Whatever you feel is a crisis that forces you to wonder if you're off your personal path is enough.

Other times, you're living the high life. Things seem to be going fairly well, so questioning your calling feels more optional. This is sort of a trick. Questioning your calling in this situation is more like reaffirming it. Of course, some people choose to pursue paths that have nothing to do with their purpose in life and they find out when they start answering questions they are actually quite unhappy with their lot in life.

Yes...this is not an easy thing to do. It is dangerous. It could send you down a route you don't wish to go. It could upend your life.

Blah blah blah.

Get over it.

It's good for you. I promise.

Once you've determined you need to reexamine your calling, you need to figure out how deep you need to go. You can ask extremely trying questions that get at the root of your soul purpose (a good idea if you've never gone through this process before). These are things like, "Why am I here? What am I here to experience?" etc. If you choose to go this route, I really recommend working through a book like The Success Principles that gives you tools to figure these things out, as opposed to just winging it. Still, if sitting on a mountain top drinking tea is how you reach revelation, go for it.

The other option is to ask more grounded and practical questions that have more specific answers (and lead to a very specific/practical direction):

• What do you feel passionate about? 
• What have you done in the past that brought you joy? 
• What would you do without any pay or a cut in pay? 
• What are your talents? your skills? 
• How could you combine these things?

There are plenty of websites and books that have more/different questions along these veins, but the gist is the same. They are directive and prescriptive. If you already know your life purpose (see earlier question option) then answering these direct questions is a good idea to help you determine the best new direction for you.

I recommend this because it will be easy to break your new direction into steps or mini-goals. It will be easy to see progress and to feel like you're actually going somewhere. Necessarily if you start down any new path in such a way, you will become more impressively awesome. It is literally unavoidable. Nothing is more cool than someone who knows where they're going and what they're doing (and why!).

If you've gone through this process before, how did it help you (or did it?)? Leave a comment below!

Go - Build Your Life

It seems this is a theme.

I was struggling to think about my post this past week (thus my lateness...sorry guys!) and kept coming back to this one thing - doing.

Lately I've been reading/watching a lot of motivational/self-dev articles and videos that keep coming back to something I mentioned in an earlier blog post. Nobody cares about "who you are" so much as "what you've done."

The choices we make on a daily basis are indicators of the kind of person we are. I can say I'm a creative person until I'm blue in the face but it doesn't mean a thing unless I can provide examples for the world to see.

So, yes. I am a creative person...and everyone knows this because I studied art for 2 years (even got a scholarship) and have painted who knows how many paintings and done how many drawings. I've written countless poems and completed 5 novels (the fifth one is hopefully going to be published this week). I even designed the cover art for those books. I also co-wrote lyrics and music for 2 musical albums.  These are things I've done. They are absolute proof of my creativity.

When I introduce myself, I don't say "I'm creative," I say "I write" or "I paint" or whatever it is I'm focusing on because it's relevant to the conversation. And these things that I do on a regular basis have directed me to a particular path. It's not pushing me into a box where I'm skating through life. I'm actually actively participating in creating my life.

The more I read, the more I see, the more I'm convinced this is what we as people are meant to do. This doesn't mean we have to go out and be some kind of celebrity or wunderkind. What it does mean is we have to go out and do things. We need hobbies. We need goals. We need to be shooting for something, even if it's "small" by society's standards. It could be learning how to knit or speak a foreign language, or how to dance the rumba. Or we could have different plans - getting a promotion at work, getting a different job, starting a company of our own etc. There are plenty of things we can do. We just have to choose something.

Who do we want to be? Because we become what we do. Our actions show the kind of people we are and they build us up in very specific ways, forcing personal growth...building our lives.

Now we just have to decide.

How have you built your life? What are the things you've done to become who you are today? Leave a comment below!

You Want To Be Criticized!

I used to have a major problem with people giving me feedback. I used to take it really personally and get all butt hurt over it. I would sulk and pout and let it take me into a horrible spiral of self-doubt. I would snap at people who criticized me thinking they meant to hurt my feelings.

Thankfully, I didn't stay a moody whiny teenager forever.

You see, criticism doesn't always come in nice pragmatic packaging. Sometimes a person can say something pretty bluntly and it hurts (such as, "Wow. That's a really big zit on your face!" or "That song you wrote was pretty boring."). It's easy to take that kind of feedback personally. Really. I know. I understand.

But other times, criticism comes in a more constructive form (as in: "I liked this part of your painting, and what if you added something here to make this color a little richer?"). This is a little easier to take less personally.

But the thing is, you need to listen to both.

Both types of criticism have something to offer - an opportunity. They offer an opportunity to get better - to become awesome.

I will openly admit it took me time to get over myself and recognize the opportunity that feedback provides. Sometimes I still struggle with listening to certain kinds of feedback, BUT I always listen and think about what a person is telling me. Now, I don't have to do anything about that feedback, but I do need to listen.

I've even gotten to the point where I openly solicit for feedback (unfortunately I don't always get it, but still, I ask!). The more feedback and criticism you get, the more awesome you can be. And if you're strong enough to realize the information you're receiving has nothing to do with you, then this can be a really good thing.

To be perfectly honest here, I think it is impossible to be impressively awesome without criticism. The reason is you can't make those huge strides in whatever you're doing because you're not able to learn the big lessons as well without some outside help. An outside eye is incredibly important in allowing you to see the changes you need to make in order to take yourself to the next level in whatever you're doing.

With this in mind, the next time someone criticizes you (even if they do it in a blunt tactless way), listen and thank them. The information they give you could be just what you need to become impressively awesome.

Giving: Always Awesome

One of the things that makes a person an awesome friend is to be giving. I never thought about this really until I was receiving gifts.

I don't just mean stuff, though stuff can be useful and quite helpful in the right circumstance. Giving isn't just about stuff. It is also time and skills. It could be money. It could be emotional support. Giving comes in all kinds of packages (ha!).

In our society it's easy to be selfish. It's easy to think only about what will benefit us at a given moment. It's easy to forget to give back or pay forward. Except when we do give, it can transform us. It doesn't just benefit the recipient. It also benefits us. Yes, giving a large sum of money to a person in tight spot so they can make rent is a huge blessing to that person. That is undeniable. Not only does it remove the stress of a looming bill (and a potential eviction notice) but it also makes the recipient feel cared for. Someone cared enough to bestow that kind of a blessing. But what about the giver? How does it benefit them?

Giving offers a chance to serve. It offers a chance to make a difference in someone else's life. It offers a chance to share abundance and provides the giver with a psychic reward. It's the excitement of watching someone else open a birthday present. There is genuine pleasure derived from giving.

Giving, it turns out, not only makes other people think you're awesome, but it makes you feel awesome. And that if probably the best mixture ever.

What are some ways you can give to people in your life? To strangers? What are some times when giving has changed your life? Leave a comment below!

What Are You Willing to Pay?

Lately I've been thinking a lot about sacrifice and about costs and how these things relate to goals or dreams. As Americans, we don't like to hear such words. We want it all. We don't want to give up anything.

But I'm telling you right now, for everything there is a cost - a price that must be paid.

Now, it doesn't mean the price is high or even something that is necessarily painful, but it could be. A dancer may sacrifice her feet later in order to have her career now. A football star may sacrifice his knees later in order to have 10 years of sporting glory. A musician sacrifices his hearing later in order to tour in huge arenas playing with "the greats." These are common prices paid for dreams, though they certainly aren't the only ones.

Every choice has a consequence or cost, even small or personal ones. By choosing to eat good food, a person may not enjoy the taste at the moment, but their body will become healthier. Exercising will lead to a healthier body, but it must be done regularly and may eat up a large chunk of every day. By having one parent at home, finances are tighter but the kids get to have more time with their parent. Moving out of the city into the wilderness may mean fresh air and contentedness, but it also means fewer opportunities and less access to entertainment.

In order to gain a result, something must be given. There are several questions you must ask yourself:

• What is my goal/choice/dream?
• What is the sacrifice I have to make in order to gain this?
• Am I willing to pay that price?

One of the reasons I gave up performing music was I recognized I didn't want to pay the prices involved in that dream. I didn't want the insane fame that comes with making it big. I also didn't want to be away from home and on tour for months at a time. The idea of losing my hearing, despite my best efforts, just didn't appeal. While I miss singing regularly (and miss music generally) I still stand by my decision. I still don't want to pay those prices. For me, they are too high.

Luckily other dreams arrived that had costs I felt I could pay (or was paying already). Writing, even when becoming successful, had costs (and sacrifices) that felt more appropriate for me. Marriage and parenthood have prices (and sacrifices) that are acceptable. I'm willing to give up some possibilities in order to be impressively awesome in these areas. Some dreams really are worth it.

What are sacrifices you've made for your choices or dreams? Leave a comment below!

Always Send Snail Mail

There has been a decline in sending cards, much to the detriment of everyone involved. People send emails. They message. They send pictures. They tweet. But let me ask you, don't you feel so much more special when someone takes the time to hand write a note to you, put a stamp on it and send it to you in the mail?

That's what I thought.

Sometimes it's depressing to get the mail. You want to avoid getting bills or corporate letters trying to convince you to get yet another credit card.

But somewhere in the back of your head, you're hoping someone sent you something else - something personal that makes you feel cared for. You're hoping for a letter, a note, or even a newspaper clipping someone thought would interest you. You're hoping someone remembered your birthday or anniversary, or just sent you something to wish you luck. You're hoping someone sent you a note saying thank you.

Never underestimate the power of snail mail. Yes, it takes some time. Yes, it takes some money. But the pay-off is worth it. People love getting mail. You know this - you have felt it yourself.

It is a relatively small thing to drag yourself to Michael's (or another craft store) rifle through the dollar bins, and pick up some blank note cards. It takes only 5 minutes to write a short note that will brighten someone's day. Even if you hand deliver such a note, it makes a difference.

I can honestly say, every time I hand someone a sealed envelope their face lights up. In a day in age when people don't take the time to do this, it makes an impression. It sets you apart from other people because it shows you value people. And that is impressively awesome.