How to Own a Room

When I say own a room, I don't mean purchase.

Think about a time when you were at a party and someone entered the room. As soon as that person walked in, the entire room looked up. It was clear from the moment that person entered they were in charge. He or she could call the shots and get anything he or she wanted.

The question is, why?

Why do some people own a room and others become, well, owned?

There are several things that go into controlling a space: confidence, posture, and appearance. Let's discuss confidence first.

A confident person expects certain things. When I feel confident, I assume I will get what I want when I want it. I assume the bartender will come to me immediately and make me a perfect drink (and honestly, if I wait, I don't wait long). I assume I will get the booth (and I rarely get anything else - unless I want something else). The moral to this is a confident person will ask for what they want, and 99% of the time, they'll get it.

Confidence leads nicely into posture. Posture is very important. A good portion of communication is nonverbal. For example if you say you're telling the truth but shake your head, your conversation partner will believe you are lying. People believe the nonverbal more than the verbal.

The key here is to position yourself in a way that looks like you know what you're doing (confidently!). Your head should be held high. You should look people in the eye. Your shoulders should be straight. Your movements should be smooth. This last one has more to do with grace than with confidence. Grace implies a certain degree of control. People who move with control have more power, because physical control in people's minds implies other kinds of personal control (mental, emotional, and social). Remember - humans are social beings. We have dominance hierarchies. That means someone is always above us while another is below us. We like having someone in charge - the question is, will it be you or someone else?

The final piece to help you own a room is your appearance. I've already posted about appearance, but I can't stress it enough! Dress to impress! Put on some deodorant! Brush your teeth! And for god's sake, SMILE! If you look cranky or angry, no one will give you the time of day.

These pieces are the foundation to owning a room. Yes they are superficial. If you don't have substance (interesting conversation, social capital, or other influence) you won't stay on top for very long. But at least when you're walking into Nordi's or Sak's you'll get some good service