Building Conversation - How to Listen Well

Sorry for the short hiatus. My husband stole my laptop for a few days for a project (which I'll explain in a later post). In any case, I'm back to posting and what better topic than listening?!

Listening is something that just about everyone can stand some improvement.

How many times have you tried to say something only to have someone speak over you? How many times have you been the person talking over others?

How many times have you waited for someone to finish speaking just so you could say what was on your mind?

If this happens to you a lot, then you aren't listening.

Being an awesome conversationalist means sometimes you need to shut up. You need to pay your conversation partner your undivided attention. Believe me, things will be more interesting and more enjoyable. When you listen to a person, they respect you and are more likely to enjoy themselves. Happiness is contagious.

The question is, how can you get better at listening?

First, listening happens with the whole body. Just like dance or karate their is a stance associated with listening. Lean forward. Look into your conversation partner's eyes. Keep an open expression on your face (frowning and scowling don't qualify!). Show your conversation partner that you want to be there. By doing this, it makes it a lot easier for your brain to actually focus on what a person is saying.

Second, notice patterns. Stories follow a kind of logic. There is a beginning, middle, and an end. When someone is speaking, note these in your mind. This will help you focus and make it a lot easier to keep track of even the most boring anecdote.

Third, if you don't understand something, ask. This will help you to grasp the finer points of a story, but asking for clarification isn't just about understanding. People love to have questions asked about them. It shows you're interested. It doesn't really matter if you care or not - asking a question makes the speaker feel like you do.

Finally,  respond with full sentences. Just saying "uh huh" or "right" doesn't indicate listening. It tells the speaker you wish you were somewhere else or were planning your meals for the next week. However when you say "Wow, that must have been really hard for you!" it shows empathy and understanding.

This might seem like a lot of work at first, but with time and practice it will become second nature. And believe me, it's worth it! Good listeners are well liked. Even if you don't feel comfortable speaking much in conversations, listening with the occasional empathetic comment and clarifying question will be well received. Plus, it may help you make some new friends while improving some existing relationships (think: your girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse!).

It's just one more skill in your arsenal to ensure your impressive awesomeness. Oh yeah!!!