How to Get What You Want

There are a few different ways to get what you want. To be honest, some of them anyone can do, while others require certain pipes.

Let's start with the gender neutral.

When you're going into a negotiation, you have to be clear about what you want. Be very specific. I always think about the scene from Better Off Ted where Veronica shows Linda how to be assertive. Veronica orders a cube monkey to bring her chicken for lunch. Linda asks for a chicken. Veronica then praises Linda for being assertive, but informs her that she might get a live chicken. She wasn't specific enough.

Ask for more than what you think you'll get. Always shoot for the moon. Even if you don't get what you asked for, you're more likely to get what you really wanted.

Use the right words for the situation. If you're in an office asking for a raise, you don't want to curse or use slang. If you're asking someone out, you don't want to use robotic technical jargon (unless they're into it!).

Dress like you mean it. There is a uniform for every situation. The more in charge you look, the more likely it is you'll get what you want. This means:

• No wrinkles.
• Matching - or at least pieces that make sense together (including shoes).
• Brush your hair (guys - this includes taking care of facial hair!).
• Wear deodorant.
• Brush your teeth (no - seriously.).

Act like you mean it. If you walk in slumped over and averting your eyes, there's no way you'll get what you're after. Firm handshakes go a long way. Eye contact in the US is a must.  Watch your vocal tone and cadence.

Offer something in return. Sometimes this can be saying something nice, asking after someone's family, or asking another personal (but appropriate) question. This is a psychic reward that functions to prime the person's pump. You can also, if necessary, give quid pro quo. Do not however lead with that - it should be something towards the end, an ace, to push someone into giving you want you want if they're not sure.

For women only: There are two things that women should keep in mind. Smiling goes a long way to helping women get what they want. If women are perceived as cold, they are considered bitchy and it will actually prevent you from getting what you want.

If you're desperate, your nuke is crying. No one likes to see a woman crying. It freaks them out. Most people will do whatever they can to get a woman to stop crying. I used this in Indira Gandhi International Airport with a security guard to get him to overlook a security measure (because I had done something stupid). Worked like a charm!

For men only: While men should smile with other men, it is not as effective for them as it is with women. Smiling on a male face can be perceived as aggressive. Often when men posture in negotiations, it is important to let the man being asked to feel like he's in control. Let him feel that way. He'll feel good about giving you something if he feels like it's his choice out of the goodness of his heart.

If you're desperate, your nuke is confusion. Just like people can't stand women crying, people can't stand a man looking confused. They will do whatever they can to get a man to a point where he knows what he's doing. While I have not used it myself (obviously) - my husband has used this with great success.

These tactics can be adjusted and used in a variety of situations. When used effectively, they get you what you want when you want it. It's just another way you can be even more impressively awesome.